quarter life crisis

Since being back I have had much time to just sit and think.
& have realized I don't really know where I want to go from here.

I am 25 and I am lost.

That is a bold statement I know.

I am not the only one though.
Catching up with all my friends after my travels I have realized we are all in the same boat.
This boat seems to be a huge boat full of our generation.
Just lost souls.

The answer to why this boat is so big will probably appear in some BuzzFeed article in a few years but for now all we can do is try to figure it out.

Everyone says your 20's is when you figure it out.
I am halfway through and still no where closer to the clear answer.

But maybe there isn't a "clear answer".

My future self isn't going to just appear looking fabulous with purple hair and a carefree style and stand in front of me and say "Oh girl the answer was right in front of you this entire time, you just were too busy looking everywhere for it".

The universe has a way of sending you messages.
Guiding you to the next move.

Doubtful that future Natasha will appear with the answers but someone will.

I have been very interested in yoga and learning more about it.
I find with all my free time I just want to learn more about basically everything.
So I attended an open house that discussed yoga training to become yoga certified.

I felt a bit anxious at first and thought about not attending because I didn’t want to go alone. But sometimes we don’t need a companion as a shield. And I convinced my fearful mind that I needed to go.

I met the ladies I was meant to meet.

Designers, yogis and like minded women.

I connected with one in particular and she could tell I needed some guidance, she hugged me and said I am here for you.

The next day I was going to a body toning class at my gym.

The class begun and some ladies scooted in after the warm up.

I looked up to see her!

After the class I went up to her and informed her that the universe wants us to talk!

She drops the weights in her hands and hugs me tightly and says

"Spill your soul to me sister"

This may not be the answer but it sure is a shove in the right direction.

pandas & self love

When going through a hard time we often do not take time to truly feel the emotions or look within for love. Self compassion is very powerful and often ignored. When sad we need to feel those emotions instead of burying them within ourselves. And we also need to feel kindness towards ourselves in those moments of suffering

By giving yourself kindness and understanding, we allow ourselves to heal.

I have recently been working on this art series during my travels and finished when I returned. I wanted to portray a girl going through a difficult time but with self compassion and self love she eases the pain. I used the panda as her inner self to illustrate self love through out the series.

ENJOY

Thank you Lebanon

What makes a country incredibly beautiful?

The environment?

The food?

The shopping?

The answer is the people.

It obviously is a collaboration of everything but the thing that stands out the most is the people.

Lebanon has mountains, valleys, beaches and rivers. It has beautiful architecture historic villages, scenic beaches and grand mountains. Lebanon is a country of history with the first civilization recorded dating back more than seven thousand years.

Many monuments, castles, and buildings still exist from all the past civilizations. It makes walking around the paved streets even more incredible. If you were to imagine the amount of cultures, people, conquerors and history the streets hold.

We visited Byblos a city that has been inhabited since 5000 BC, and is known as one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world. We walked around the old souk (flea market of sorts) and sat by the water to have dinner. Peering at the fishing boats sitting by the restaurant and watching the moon shine down on them made me realize how incredibly beautiful this city was. That moment as the small boats swayed back and forth atop the dark water with one bright source of light shining on them, such simplicity but such beauty.

Lebanon is very crop filled and uses all of its produce. Their produce is only sold during its season. When we first got to Lebanon the produce in season, included strawberries, cherries, peaches and apricots. As we leave, the fruits include watermelon, prickly pear and figs. I can’t begin to explain the flavor in the fruit, vegetables and meat here. So fresh & so pure.

The people of Lebanon have the biggest hearts.

From the strangers you meet, to the distant family members.

It does not matter if you are related the Lebanese open their hearts.

We sat on the hot bus with no air condition, as the lady sitting by us heard we wanted to purchase a water, she informed us that their was no need because she had one. She pulled out a small bottled water and opened it, she gave my mother and I the first sips before herself. She told us that she had more than enough to spare and continued to offer us the bottle the entire ride. She also helped us find the right cab to get in once getting off the bus.

Pure, unconditional love. I have never felt it so strongly than here.

Our family here opened their arms wide once arriving here. They constantly invited us over for dinners, drove us wherever we desired and let us see parts of the country we have never seen before. They went above and beyond to make us feel at ease and to enjoy our time. I have never seen so much love in people’s eyes as I did at the family I surrounded myself by here.

Never have I had two surprise parties for my birthday, two incredibly huge birthday cakes, and two separate occasions where I felt such incredible amounts of love that I couldn’t believe it to be real. I am not shown love, I am embraced by love. 

I came to Lebanon for an internship. But I got so much more than just the design experience. I truly tasted Lebanon with all of its incredible delights. I saw Lebanon for all of its true beauty and history. And I felt Lebanon from the hearts of all its inhabitants.

Thank you Lebanon. You have shown me so much & taught me so much.