You know when you do something drastic after you get out of a seriously bad relationship. You want to feel different and changed to be able to go back into life ready for whatever it has to throw at you. You typically need to take time in between your next similar endeavor to heal from the toxicity of what you just went through. The healing takes time and can be done in many ways according to what you feel is needed.
You know when you’re in it that it doesn’t feel right. You don’t feel good in your skin and slowly can feel yourself losing your luster. Growth and inspiration are no longer happening. Feeling drained and exhausted by going through with it every day.
Then you end it...hopefully. Knowing that you deserve better and that life can be lived fully without this toxicity.These bad relationships can be an intimate relationship or a bad experience you are ready to end.
When the final chapter of your draining experience comes to a close.
Take the time to heal. To feel in your body what it needs.
Dying my hair turquoise would not suffice as a drastic change this time.
I booked a two week trip to California three days before I left for it.
No plans, no expectations.
Deleting all forms of social media off of my phone.
To be able to be fully present.
To feel.
To see.
To be inspired.
I’ve dreamt of California ever since I was young. Now I was able to go for an extended period of time to be able to live the California dream. The timing of life always works out. With no plan, everything worked out exactly as it was always meant to. My eyes consumed so much beauty in two weeks. The inspiration was flowing out of me. Writing, sketching, feeling, & movement just came through. There weren’t any blocks anymore. Experiencing new things with friends & watching as many sunsets as possible.
Sometimes you’re unsure if you should make that drastic change and end something that no longer serves you. Ending anything unconstructive to who you are is difficult. When I no longer felt alive and existing, that change needed to happen.
All experiences whatever they may be grow you. They teach you things about yourself. They challenge and push you to change. Sometimes that change is for the better. Other changes may not be who you are.
Regardless you learn from it all.
Realize when you deserve to be happier and realize your strength.
My growth in my current circumstances had come to an end.
I left my fashion job & flew across the country to the West Coast.
The first night at dinner, the waitress took our orders and asked if we wanted to hear the question of the day. Looking up at her as she says “are you transforming?”
I feel transformed. Into my happiest & most alive self.
